The Truth About Depression

I want to talk about depression for a minute.

Depression is so hard to talk about. Those unfortunate enough to experience it might be too afraid or too ashamed to tell anyone. I can't really speak for them. I'm not an expert. I only know my own experiences.

If you have never gone through depression, please read. If you have, or currently are, please read.

This last week has been a roller coaster of emotions—and it's only Wednesday! The thing about depression is that when we get bad news, however significant or insignificant, it’s magnified. I had to make some adjustments to my budget that left me with no extra money, and barely enough to feed myself. This devastated me. I felt hopeless as useless. I started thinking thoughts that I'll never speak of out loud. Scary thoughts. I'm sure you can guess what kind of thoughts they were. All because my financial situation changed slightly. This negative change made me think of negative things related to it. My home that doesn't feel like home, my roommate who I feel secretly hates me, though I'm sure she doesn't, but I feel I'm being harshly judged behind my back. These thoughts led to similar thoughts about everyone I knew. Everyone hates me. All of these negative feelings and assumptions left me crippled. I hated myself. I still do.

Why am I telling you this?

 Because it needs to be said.

If you have ever gone through depression, if you are depressed right now, you can understand the importance to telling someone. Anyone. Don't get yourself to the point where you might do something drastic to get someone to see you or attempt to put it all to an end.  Tell someone.

I'm lucky I have a best friend I feel comfortable talking about this stuff with. When this happened I messaged her and told her everything, right down to my scary thoughts. Just telling her made me feel better. I still felt hopeless, but it felt good that someone knows what’s going on.

Years ago a friend called me after a nasty breakup telling me he wanted to kill himself. This friend had never called before. We always spoke through text, so the call itself told me something was up. It still sits with me. That call was scary. But I'm glad he did. I'm glad he trusted me enough to tell me. He's fine, by the way.

 I always remember that he called me.

If you've never been depressed, it's hard to imagine what those with depression go through. It's seems ridiculous. “You're unhappy? Do something about it.” It's not about finding what makes us unhappy and changing it. It's deep rooted. Even if my financial situation improves (and I think it will) it won't cure my depression. I always tell myself, “If I just do this, I'll be better.” But it doesn't work. So if you have a loved one come to you and tell you what they are feeling. Don't judge or offer opinions. All they want is someone to listen, for someone to know something is wrong, and to not feel alone.

Say something.

Listen.

There are other options available for anyone with depression or going through a rough time.

Call 1-800-273-TALK

Text 470-260-KOKO

Post anonymously at ok2talk.org