2016 has been a real
shit show.
It didn’t
start off bad. I lived in a nice house with a hot tub and bar and firepit and
my own bathroom (granted I was with my dad and brother. But in this economy,
who could blame me?), I got a good job that would open a door to
the job I really wanted.
In my
experience, good things never last. The owner of the house decided he wanted to
live in it again. He broke a verbal agreement with my dad to let him buy the
house, and left us without a roof over our heads (Here’s a lessons kids; GET
EVERYTHING IN WRITING!). Now my brother is living with his wife’s brother. My
dad is in a tiny room in my aunt’s house. And my dog and I are in the basement
of my friend’s house with her four children.
My job isn’t
bad, but it’s not enough. I can barely afford the very low rent my friend
agreed to let me pay (a whopping 19.05% of the entire rent) as well as help
with power and internet. The only bills I have that aren’t necessary come out
to $30 (Netflix, Ipsy, and Spotify). I buy everything generic and ultimately
unhealthy. Every two weeks I can count on my account being overdrawn.
Suffice to
say, I’ve been pretty depressed.
Depressed.
I don’t
think I’ve ever used that word to describe me before. It sounds too…well,
depressing. Who am I to say I’m depressed? “You’re not depressed. You’re just
having a bad day.” Well, fuck! I wish this day would end already. I think that
may be part of the problem with depression. People are afraid to talk about it.
They’re afraid to tell anyone. Either they’re going to get attention they don’t
want, or people are going to assume they’re only after attention. I’m not after
attention (obviously, since I’m writing it in a public blog). I didn’t want
anyone to know what was really going on. I didn’t want anyone to know just how
truly miserable I am. I don’t want anyone trying to fix it.
I think
most of us have been there. Other people (namely our parents) trying to fix our
problems. Offering us suggestions we don’t want to hear. We are inherently
stubborn; ornery, as my uncle would happily put it.
No one can
fix me. Only I can fix me.
So here I
am, writing a blog that no one may ever read. But that’s okay. This is mostly
for me. I’m going to be selfish. Stubborn, ornery, and selfish.
We’re
starting off fantastic!
I’m going
to get myself out of my depression. For anyone who stumbles across this blog, I
do hope you get something from it. It would be wonderful to hear my selfishness
helped someone else.
How will I
get myself out of my depression? Well, it will be a long process. I may dig
myself deeper into this depression, but hopefully I will eventually get myself
out and have this damn hole filled in for good.
First thing’s
first. Goals. Feel free to join me
here.
Step 1: Get
a piece of paper.
Step 2: You’ll
need a pen. A marker will do. Even paint if you’re so inclined.
Step 3:
Write down goals. DO NOT CALL THEM NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS.
Why not?
New Year’s Resolutions suck! I’ve made them every year and you know how many I’ve
actually accomplished? NONE! People forget about New Year’s Resolutions once
the year is no longer new. You need goals. They can be goals that need to
accomplish by the end of the year, or in 5. Make a goal that has to be done by
next week. I don’t care. This is your list. Just don’t call them New Year’s
Resolutions!
Goals may vary. Here are mine...
Goal 1: Get a job
at Kootenai Health (our local hospital). Preferably before summer.
This goal
is key to accomplishing the following goals. There are a lot of benefits to
working there that will not only help me financially, but physically too. Stay
tuned, I’ll get into the specifics.
Goal 2: Reach
180lbs by the end of the year (get under 200 by July).
I was once
successful at this. In 2010 I reached 163lbs. That was about 75lbs lost. I had
incentive, of course. My work was doing a biggest loser competition. I got 2nd
place and $300. I did this with nothing more than calorie counting, Jillian
Michaels DVD’s, long walks, and bragging. Bragging really got me going. Joke’s
on me though. A few of my friends found more success with weight loss (I’ll
talk about them later, if they’ll let me).
ß2010 -- 2016à
This really
shouldn’t be too difficult. It’s sticking with it I find troublesome. Plus I
have a problem with overeating. I can’t seem to stop myself. Even when I’m full
I feel I need to keep eating to the point where I feel sick. It’s sick.
Fortunately,
the majority of my friends are wanting to achieve this same goal (maybe not
specifically 180lbs, but you get it), so I have plenty of support.
As for
incentive? Nutrishop is doing “The New Year 6-Week Jump Start Challenge.”
(https://www.facebook.com/events/1224361754299950/).
It’s free to join and they have $1100 in prizes.
My goal for
this? 1st place. I could use a spa day.
It's not a lasting incentive, but it's a good start.
It's not a lasting incentive, but it's a good start.
How can KMC
help with this? They offer a discount at Peak Health and Wellness (A gym with some pretty kick ass classes). Peak also does a Biggest Loser which I found some success with in the past (2nd to most weight lost, but got 5th place overall)
Goal 3: Save
$1,000 by the end of the year
I saw something on
Pinterest that made this sound pretty doable.
$1000 probably doesn’t sound like much. But as I mentioned
earlier, I’m having trouble coming up with $200. So It’s a lot to me, but not
so much that I’d be setting myself up for failure.
This goal isn’t about saving $1000 though. It’s about
teaching myself to be smart with my money. I can never save. I always spend it.
I’ve had a savings account for years that never has money in it. It’s a habit
that needs some serious breaking.
Goal 4: Create a
budget and stick to it.
I recently
went through my bank statement to see how much I was spending on food. Between November 27th and December 27th I’ve
spent about $400 on food. I couldn’t believe it!
I should
point out that I am single with no kids. It explains why I’ve gained so much
weight. But that is ridiculous! I set aside $50-$100 a check for food
(depending on what I actually can afford). Where the hell did that money come
from?? Regardless, I need to learn to budget.
Goal 5: Do at
least one fun thing every month.
My real goal
here is to get out of the house. I’m pretty antisocial and it is not helping my
depression. What can these fun things
be? Every summer I say I’m going to go ziplining and never actually do. This
year I will. I could Kayak or paddleboard the Coeur D'Alene River. Maybe go parasailing
again (when the sky isn’t blocked out by smoke from the numerous surrounding
wildfires). Maybe just going out to the bar more often, or home parties (I’m
all about game nights). Hell, even just going for a walk on Tubbs Hill with a
friend. Whatever gets my ass out of the house and socializing, I’ll count it.
Goal 6: Finish an
outline of my novel
The one
thing that makes me happy is writing. It’s why I think this blog is going to
help me. But there’s also a novel I’ve been periodically working on for six
years. I know with school and work It’s unrealistic to think I could finish a
novel in a year, but I think I could at least finish an outline. I’ve done it
before.
Each of
these goals is intended to help find my happy. I’m determined to get out of
this funk. I’ve been in it for way too long. This year I turn 30 and I haven’t
done a damn thing.
Oh geez, that hurts to say. 30!
It's time to start living.
Screw 2016.
2017 is going to be my year. Just you wait and see.
